Over the past year, I am thankful to say that I have started to find my purpose. If you had told me this time last year that I would be well into the process of adopting a little girl from China, I would have laughed and said you were crazy. It is a tall order to be someone's parent who you did not birth and to raise, care for, nurture, love, discipline, laugh/cry with, and spend thousands of dollars like he/she was your very own. Ha! That is quite hilarious just thinking about it now.
"What's that, God? You want me to do what?! How?! With what money?! I don't have the mental or emotional strength to do that. You have lost your mind, God. But I want a child who is my own flesh and blood. I want... I want... I want..."
After my doubtful rant to God spilling everything to Him about how I could not do X, Y, Z because of A, B, C reasons, He reminded me that I was right. I could NEVER do this on my own. In fact, Daniel and I together could NEVER adopt with just the two of us. It is through Him that we find our strength and motivation to begin the adventure of our lifetime...
Over the course of the last 11 months, Daniel and I have been paid remarkable compliments commending our selfless act of adopting.
"You will be great parents."
"Paisley is one blessed little girl to have parents like you."
"She will bring so much joy to yours lives."
"What a wonderful thing you are doing."
As completely flattering as those compliments are for both Daniel and me to hear (by the way, thank you for each and every one of those), honestly not one of them phase us. We appreciate them; don't get me wrong, but we aren't focused on how we can change the world. We can't take credit for this adoption, because honestly it wasn't our first choice. In fact, we fought for it to not happen at all. And I am ashamed to say that, because look at what we would be missing if we stood our ground and said "no" to God. This may come off sounding arrogant, but please hear my heart. Nothing about this adoption is about us and the type of people we are. We simply told God "yes" and "we obey" and now He is moving mountains. We give Him the glory through the good times, bad times, easy times, and hard times.
And the hard times are coming even though Daniel and I have been thoroughly trained about adopted children by reading books, watching videos, and going through countless slideshows. Separately, we have completed roughly 20+ hours of training during our home study process. We still have one more conference to attend before we travel so we'll be well over the 20+ hour mark before too long. For me the most surprising thing to learn about adoption is that coming home with a new family member will be more difficult than we can imagine and to expect for things to not be sunshine and rainbows right away. You're probably thinking "Oh, c'mon, Leslie. I think you are over exaggerating. All kids are the same and deal with similar kid-like issues. You will have to discipline with a firm hand, and everything will be fine." To that I say, "Will it though? Have you sat down with adoptive families and listened to their struggles with their new family member? Have you seen the hurt and love in the parents' eyes as they pour out their heart about not feeling like a good enough parent to their child?" You see, I have.
Most adoptive parents don't vocalize their struggles to the non-adoptive parent world, because adoptive issues are on a different (not higher, but just different) playing field than biological children issues. It's hard for someone who has never parented an adopted/foster child to realize that the misbehavior from the child is connected to their time in an orphanage/being abandoned. Furthermore, it is even harder to know exactly how to treat these behaviors since most adoptive parents grew up within their biological families and can't relate to how the adopted child is feeling. Honestly, it terrifies the stew out of me to not know exactly what my child will need from me and how I will be able to fix it. And all of these "things" that I mention aren't referring to the basic needs, but I am talking about the emotional and mental damage that has been done due to the fact that she was without a family during the most important developmental years of her life. It absolutely breaks my heart.
Why am I saying all of this? Why now? Why so doom and gloom? Why so negative? Because it is the reality that we may face. I am a fool to think everything will be "fine" and she will come to America, and it will be like she has always been our child. Do we pray every single day for the hard times to be minor and for Paisley to be "well" emotionally, mentally, and physically? You better believe it! I have never prayed so hard and long for something in my life. And if I could ask a selfish favor of you, I would ask that you would pray for the same please. Pray for Paisley's emotional state, her mental development, and her physical health and well-being. Even though we were given a little information about her medical special needs, we won't fully know her physical needs until she is in America to be checked out. There is a huge possibility that she will face bigger issues than the ones we have read about from her medical file. We trust that her medical needs remain small and correctable once we bring her home, but I am scared beyond my control.
One more favor please. Could you pray for Daniel and me? It's been a long road, and we are closing in on our travel dates. The struggle to remain focused on the task at hand is a daily challenge. I am so thankful that God has revealed our daughter to us so soon, because we would just now be in the matching part of the process if we had taken the conventional way.
As always, thank you; thank you; thank you for being so supportive and full of encouragement! Your words and prayers are what keeps our spirits up and affirms that we are doing God's purpose. Just know every sweet compliment you pay to us, we send straight to Him. Our adoption isn't about us. It is about Him.
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Friday, October 17, 2014
Emerald Grande Resort 2-night stay drawing (updated)
This fundraiser has ENDED.
We've been blessed to know some very generous people who have helped us raise money to bring Paisley home. Some of these people are family and friends, but there have been others who are friends of family and friends. Then there are those who are complete strangers who have given from the pure goodness of their hearts. You talk about a humbling experience. All gifts still humble us to our core. Thank you.
When we were approached by my mom to give away a 2-night package in a 2-bedroom condo** at the beautiful Emerald Grande (EG) in Destin, FL, Daniel and I were speechless. Frankly, we are quite envious of this giveaway since we have never stayed there ourselves, but we have toured and visited the EG often since my mom works there. The units are beautiful and overlook the Destin Harbor. There are a number of restaurants and shops located in the HarborWalk Village, which next to the EG, and driving isn't necessary.
Also included in this giveaway package is a 6-hour deep-sea fishing trip for 2 aboard the Swoop, $40 EG gift card (to use at the Grande Vista Restaurant, gift shop, or at the EG bar) and a goody bag of gifts from the spa. The total package retails $1,350!
So how much?
Tickets for this extravagant package are just $20. Yes, $20 a ticket. You can email, text, or fb message us with your ticket order. We will then send you a picture of your ticket(s).
The giveaway will run until Friday, December 5th, and the winner will be drawn on Saturday, December 6th.
Retail Value of the Emerald Grande Stay Package
2-night stay in a 2-bedroom condo: $1,100
Gift Card: $40
Swoop Deep-Sea Fishing for 2: $150
Spa Retail Gifts: $60
Total: $1,350
**Terms and Conditions: Reservations must be made within 2 weeks of use. Seasonal restrictions apply. Reservations based on space and availability and are not valid over holidays, holiday weekends, or peak season. Valid until May 31, 2015.
We've been blessed to know some very generous people who have helped us raise money to bring Paisley home. Some of these people are family and friends, but there have been others who are friends of family and friends. Then there are those who are complete strangers who have given from the pure goodness of their hearts. You talk about a humbling experience. All gifts still humble us to our core. Thank you.
When we were approached by my mom to give away a 2-night package in a 2-bedroom condo** at the beautiful Emerald Grande (EG) in Destin, FL, Daniel and I were speechless. Frankly, we are quite envious of this giveaway since we have never stayed there ourselves, but we have toured and visited the EG often since my mom works there. The units are beautiful and overlook the Destin Harbor. There are a number of restaurants and shops located in the HarborWalk Village, which next to the EG, and driving isn't necessary.
Also included in this giveaway package is a 6-hour deep-sea fishing trip for 2 aboard the Swoop, $40 EG gift card (to use at the Grande Vista Restaurant, gift shop, or at the EG bar) and a goody bag of gifts from the spa. The total package retails $1,350!
 |
| Emerald Grande at HarborWalk Village in Destin, FL |
So how much?
Tickets for this extravagant package are just $20. Yes, $20 a ticket. You can email, text, or fb message us with your ticket order. We will then send you a picture of your ticket(s).
The giveaway will run until Friday, December 5th, and the winner will be drawn on Saturday, December 6th.
 |
| Emerald Grande 2-night stay in a 2-bedroom condo |
 |
| 6-Hour Deep-Sea Fishing for 2 aboard the Swoop |
 |
| EG Spa Gifts |
Retail Value of the Emerald Grande Stay Package
2-night stay in a 2-bedroom condo: $1,100
Gift Card: $40
Swoop Deep-Sea Fishing for 2: $150
Spa Retail Gifts: $60
Total: $1,350
**Terms and Conditions: Reservations must be made within 2 weeks of use. Seasonal restrictions apply. Reservations based on space and availability and are not valid over holidays, holiday weekends, or peak season. Valid until May 31, 2015.
Thursday, October 9, 2014
now the waiting part begins
It's official! If you haven't heard, we are officially DTC as of 9/30!
DTC? Dossier to China
Dossier? Our dossier is a collection of 13 documents, which includes our home study report, medical results, background checks, pictures of our family and house, extremely detailed financial information, various letters we have written, and other Daniel and Leslie Todd personal information. We, essentially, have been working on gathering for our dossier since the very beginning of our adoption journey. It's weird to think that the bulk of frantically gathering of documents is over. As big of a step as DTC is, we are still roughly 4-6 months out from travel.
Now to the waiting part. So what does this mean now that we are DTC? Where do we go from here?
The next step we are waiting for is LID (logged in date, approved on 10/15), which takes roughly 3-4 weeks from DTC. This means that the CCCWA (China's Centre for Children's Welfare and Adoption) has reviewed our dossier and entered in our information into their adoption system. Once the LID is received, this is essentially when the matching process begins.
However, since we are already matched, then we will immediately go into waiting for our LOA (letter of acceptance) for Paisley. The LOA is different from the LOI (letter of intent) that we mailed off in May. The LOI states that we are intending on adopting Paisley, but nothing is officially official as of yet. We received PA (pre-approval) from China on 6/19 stating that Paisley is "on hold" for us to adopt. Once we received PA, the CCCWA gave us a 6-month deadline to send our dossier to them, which we did. YAY!
...so are you keeping up? It's a lot to follow and process. We know. Our entire lives revolve around these terms and acronyms.
Now back to the LOA. Once we are LID, then begins our LOA wait, which takes anywhere from 60-90 days. (Honestly, the LOA can last longer than 90 days. There are families as you are reading this that have been waiting on LOA for longer than 90 days. Please pray for these families as this step in the waiting process is long and extremely painful.) The LOA states that we accept to adopt Paisley as our child. Once we receive LOA, then we are roughly 8 weeks (or longer) from travel.
whew. That is a lot. Frankly, that isn't even close to the end of the process once we receive LOA. As you can see by our official Lifeline timeline, we are not really close to being halfway even though we are starting to pick up some steam. It is a lot of hurry up and wait.
We still covet your prayers for the process, waiting part, and financial obligations. We've applied for a few grants so far and we continue to apply for grants. We hope to hear something soon about those. Thank you so much for your prayers over the past 11 months. There have been hard days, easy days, sad days, happy days. Adoption is a roller coaster of emotions and a lot of uncertainty and unanswered questions. Even though it is the hardest thing we've done with our lives thus far, we are honored and blessed we were chosen to raise this beautiful little girl. We fall more in love with her every day. Thank you for letting us share our journey to bring Paisley home with you!
DTC? Dossier to China
Dossier? Our dossier is a collection of 13 documents, which includes our home study report, medical results, background checks, pictures of our family and house, extremely detailed financial information, various letters we have written, and other Daniel and Leslie Todd personal information. We, essentially, have been working on gathering for our dossier since the very beginning of our adoption journey. It's weird to think that the bulk of frantically gathering of documents is over. As big of a step as DTC is, we are still roughly 4-6 months out from travel.
Now to the waiting part. So what does this mean now that we are DTC? Where do we go from here?
The next step we are waiting for is LID (logged in date, approved on 10/15), which takes roughly 3-4 weeks from DTC. This means that the CCCWA (China's Centre for Children's Welfare and Adoption) has reviewed our dossier and entered in our information into their adoption system. Once the LID is received, this is essentially when the matching process begins.
However, since we are already matched, then we will immediately go into waiting for our LOA (letter of acceptance) for Paisley. The LOA is different from the LOI (letter of intent) that we mailed off in May. The LOI states that we are intending on adopting Paisley, but nothing is officially official as of yet. We received PA (pre-approval) from China on 6/19 stating that Paisley is "on hold" for us to adopt. Once we received PA, the CCCWA gave us a 6-month deadline to send our dossier to them, which we did. YAY!
...so are you keeping up? It's a lot to follow and process. We know. Our entire lives revolve around these terms and acronyms.
Now back to the LOA. Once we are LID, then begins our LOA wait, which takes anywhere from 60-90 days. (Honestly, the LOA can last longer than 90 days. There are families as you are reading this that have been waiting on LOA for longer than 90 days. Please pray for these families as this step in the waiting process is long and extremely painful.) The LOA states that we accept to adopt Paisley as our child. Once we receive LOA, then we are roughly 8 weeks (or longer) from travel.
whew. That is a lot. Frankly, that isn't even close to the end of the process once we receive LOA. As you can see by our official Lifeline timeline, we are not really close to being halfway even though we are starting to pick up some steam. It is a lot of hurry up and wait.
We still covet your prayers for the process, waiting part, and financial obligations. We've applied for a few grants so far and we continue to apply for grants. We hope to hear something soon about those. Thank you so much for your prayers over the past 11 months. There have been hard days, easy days, sad days, happy days. Adoption is a roller coaster of emotions and a lot of uncertainty and unanswered questions. Even though it is the hardest thing we've done with our lives thus far, we are honored and blessed we were chosen to raise this beautiful little girl. We fall more in love with her every day. Thank you for letting us share our journey to bring Paisley home with you!
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
from one mother to another: a letter to Paisley's bio mom
As I was doing some research a couple of weeks ago about Paisley's birth providence, I started thinking about her biological parents, more specifically her mom. Because of how Paisley was found, there is no information about either one of her biological parents. It isn't surprising to Daniel or myself that we will never know who her bio parents were or their story, but one day we will have to share the answers to the hard questions with Paisley. We don't have all of the answers to her questions she will ask, but we will make sure that she does not harbor negative feelings towards her bio parents, especially her mom. We could come up with a tragic story about how adoption was the only way to save Paisley's life or they were dirt poor and couldn't afford to care for a newborn. Also, we could assure her that her bio mom and dad knew she would have a better life without being in their care. And that story might be true.
However, you can't overlook the heart-breaking possibility as well: her bio parents could have just not been ready to be parents. Maybe they were afraid of becoming parents. Maybe they wanted a boy and not a girl. Maybe they were poor and couldn't raise a child. There are a million heart-warming and heart-breaking reasons as to why her bio parents are not caring for her now. But that isn't the important part of this story. The important part is the ending, and yet it is the beginning of a life with a loving and caring family who will never abandon her.
As great it is to think about how a little girl's life will change for the better, I can't stop thinking about her bio parents. Where are they? What are they doing? How do they feel? Do they wonder about their little girl? Do they hope and pray that she will be adopted and cared for? As hard as it is for our American brains to comprehend ever leaving a newborn only a few days old to be found and placed in an orphanage, we've learned that these Chinese mothers do care for their babies. Since abortion and giving a child up for adoption are illegal in China, abandoning a child is the only route if parents are unable to care for a child and hope for a prosperous life for their child. A lot of the mothers will pin the child's name and birthdate to the newborn's clothes so their identity isn't lost once in the orphanage. That one simple act leads me to believe that these parents do care for their children, so much that they give them up for a chance at a better life.
I think about what that moment must have been like for Paisley's bio mother as she walked away from her child for the last time not knowing what would happen to her. I can't imagine the pain she could have felt. What was she thinking during those moments? Does she still think of her little baby? Has she been able to go back to her everyday life post-baby? Has she given birth to other children? Does she feel empty inside not having her daughter with her?
I pray for Paisley's bio mom. Even though I will never meet her, I think of her often and admire her bravery, if that is what it really is.
Dear Paisley's bio mother,
There aren't enough words to accurately portray my feelings towards you. I am unaware of your situation at the time of your daughter's birth. I can't assume that you were doing a selfless act by giving your child a better life. On the other hand, I can't assume that you were being selfish by giving her up either. Your motives will forever be a mystery, and I can't spend any more time thinking about that day and why.
I want to thank you for giving up your little girl for adoption no matter your reason. You have given 2 American people such joy by giving us a gift that we would never repay you for. You have given us our first child. I assure you 100% that she will always be taken care of. She will never grow hungry, thirsty, alone, bored. She already is and will continue to be loved like she was a blood relative of our family. I've always hated the saying "blood is thicker than water", because it's not true. Family isn't something a person is necessarily born into, but it's a unit that is accepting of others no matter their origin. It's people who welcome and adopt one as their own to care and nurture each other.
Even though we are beginning our family unit, your daughter is the first building block to our expansion. She is just as special to us as if she was our own flesh and blood. We will provide everything she needs in order for her to grow up as a smart, loving, caring, selfless, successful, honest, respectful, young lady. She is the most beautiful little girl I've ever seen, and I have yet to see her in person. I promise to pray for you daily and to teach Paisley to pray for you as well. I will encourage her to not only see herself when she is looking in the mirror, but recognize the woman who gave her life. The mother she will never know but will learn to appreciate. There will be no bitter feelings towards you in our house, because you made the choice to give life. And you gave us the most precious life.
Thank you seems so small. Instead I promise to be the mother that Paisley needs. I will never take for granted this miraculous gift. Thank you for giving me a daughter.
Eternally grateful,
Paisley's adoptive mommy
However, you can't overlook the heart-breaking possibility as well: her bio parents could have just not been ready to be parents. Maybe they were afraid of becoming parents. Maybe they wanted a boy and not a girl. Maybe they were poor and couldn't raise a child. There are a million heart-warming and heart-breaking reasons as to why her bio parents are not caring for her now. But that isn't the important part of this story. The important part is the ending, and yet it is the beginning of a life with a loving and caring family who will never abandon her.
As great it is to think about how a little girl's life will change for the better, I can't stop thinking about her bio parents. Where are they? What are they doing? How do they feel? Do they wonder about their little girl? Do they hope and pray that she will be adopted and cared for? As hard as it is for our American brains to comprehend ever leaving a newborn only a few days old to be found and placed in an orphanage, we've learned that these Chinese mothers do care for their babies. Since abortion and giving a child up for adoption are illegal in China, abandoning a child is the only route if parents are unable to care for a child and hope for a prosperous life for their child. A lot of the mothers will pin the child's name and birthdate to the newborn's clothes so their identity isn't lost once in the orphanage. That one simple act leads me to believe that these parents do care for their children, so much that they give them up for a chance at a better life.
I think about what that moment must have been like for Paisley's bio mother as she walked away from her child for the last time not knowing what would happen to her. I can't imagine the pain she could have felt. What was she thinking during those moments? Does she still think of her little baby? Has she been able to go back to her everyday life post-baby? Has she given birth to other children? Does she feel empty inside not having her daughter with her?
I pray for Paisley's bio mom. Even though I will never meet her, I think of her often and admire her bravery, if that is what it really is.
Dear Paisley's bio mother,
There aren't enough words to accurately portray my feelings towards you. I am unaware of your situation at the time of your daughter's birth. I can't assume that you were doing a selfless act by giving your child a better life. On the other hand, I can't assume that you were being selfish by giving her up either. Your motives will forever be a mystery, and I can't spend any more time thinking about that day and why.
I want to thank you for giving up your little girl for adoption no matter your reason. You have given 2 American people such joy by giving us a gift that we would never repay you for. You have given us our first child. I assure you 100% that she will always be taken care of. She will never grow hungry, thirsty, alone, bored. She already is and will continue to be loved like she was a blood relative of our family. I've always hated the saying "blood is thicker than water", because it's not true. Family isn't something a person is necessarily born into, but it's a unit that is accepting of others no matter their origin. It's people who welcome and adopt one as their own to care and nurture each other.
Even though we are beginning our family unit, your daughter is the first building block to our expansion. She is just as special to us as if she was our own flesh and blood. We will provide everything she needs in order for her to grow up as a smart, loving, caring, selfless, successful, honest, respectful, young lady. She is the most beautiful little girl I've ever seen, and I have yet to see her in person. I promise to pray for you daily and to teach Paisley to pray for you as well. I will encourage her to not only see herself when she is looking in the mirror, but recognize the woman who gave her life. The mother she will never know but will learn to appreciate. There will be no bitter feelings towards you in our house, because you made the choice to give life. And you gave us the most precious life.
Thank you seems so small. Instead I promise to be the mother that Paisley needs. I will never take for granted this miraculous gift. Thank you for giving me a daughter.
Eternally grateful,
Paisley's adoptive mommy
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
A Call to Missions (Leslie's Story)
Before Daniel and I answered the call to adopt, I always had a preconceived notion about adoption...what it was, who it was for, and how could anyone love and want a child who wasn't their own? It's funny how the Lord can work on a heart, because He has definitely worked on mine over the last 20 years.
I first felt a call to "go" when I became saved. I was 10 when I felt God pulling at my heart strings, and it was during VBS one summer that I started to ask questions. Later that year at a revival, I asked Jesus to come into my heart and live with me forever. And He has never left my side.
During my teenage years, I always thought about what I would do if God called me into the mission field. Our church had several missionaries come speak throughout the years and to some extent I felt like there was a "calling" to go. I was scared to death to think that I was being called to leave everything that I knew and loved about my home to live in a foreign land where English was not spoken to share the love of Jesus. I always thought that if I just didn't think about it, then it would just go away. I had hoped that God would stop telling me that my life revolved around a foreign land. I was terrified. So terrified that I have suppressed these thoughts until recently.
Meanwhile, I spent my teenage summers babysitting and teaching at Mothers' Day Out at the church. Here, I was first exposed to little adopted Chinese girls. They were all beautiful, and I was curious how someone would go to such great lengths to make someone else's child their own. Not just any child, but a child from a different country. A different nationality. A different race. A different heritage. A different religion. A different language. I made up my mind then that I never wanted to adopt. The amount of time, effort, and money that it would take to bring in a foreign child as your own was just too much for me to handle. Not to mention, I wanted my own children who look, act, talk, and laugh just like me. There was no changing my mind.
Just a piece of advice for you. NEVER make your mind up about something without first consulting the One who has a purpose for your life, because you might be missing the big picture with the little information you may or may not already know.
Fast forward to my post about "Why Adoption". If you read this post, you will remember that I open up about my struggles with wanting to be a parent, but not necessarily being ready to be pregnant. Honestly, I still struggle to an extent with wondering why adoption is our route for having our first child. Then I remember Satan is whispering those seeds of doubt and insecurities in my ear, and he will do anything to try to destroy God's purpose.
God's purpose. Yes, let's go back to that. It has taken me over half of my life to finally answer God's call for my life. Even though He hasn't called me to be a missionary in the traditional sense of the word by leaving the comfort of home and living in a foreign land preaching His name, He has called me to a "reverse missionary". (Do you like that term? I literally just made it up.) A "reverse missionary" in Leslie's terms is one who adopts, one who welcomes someone into their home to live. So for Daniel and me, we are traveling to a foreign land to bring home someone who needs us to show her who God is and to grow up learning, growing, and living in His Word.
I am so grateful to have married a man who is just as passionate about kids (and probably moreso) as I am. Without him, I am not sure if I would have fully answered the call to adopt. When Daniel and I married, I knew that he was "the one". I guess at that time I just didn't know exactly why he was the one. Over the course of the last 10 months, God has shown us why He has brought us together. Without us, He wouldn't be able to fully execute His plan according to His will. Do I believe that God could still execute His plan without us? Sure, but why would I want to miss that?
Daniel and I have been given an opportunity of a lifetime "to go" and bring home a little girl to be our daughter. We will visit a foreign country for several days. We will see how they live, what their struggles are, what their passions are. We will forever be changed from this trip. And who knows what our next adventure might be after bringing Paisley home. We will forever be intertwined with the Chinese people. And I am not terrified of that. In fact, I am honored. This is our call to missions.
I first felt a call to "go" when I became saved. I was 10 when I felt God pulling at my heart strings, and it was during VBS one summer that I started to ask questions. Later that year at a revival, I asked Jesus to come into my heart and live with me forever. And He has never left my side.
During my teenage years, I always thought about what I would do if God called me into the mission field. Our church had several missionaries come speak throughout the years and to some extent I felt like there was a "calling" to go. I was scared to death to think that I was being called to leave everything that I knew and loved about my home to live in a foreign land where English was not spoken to share the love of Jesus. I always thought that if I just didn't think about it, then it would just go away. I had hoped that God would stop telling me that my life revolved around a foreign land. I was terrified. So terrified that I have suppressed these thoughts until recently.
Meanwhile, I spent my teenage summers babysitting and teaching at Mothers' Day Out at the church. Here, I was first exposed to little adopted Chinese girls. They were all beautiful, and I was curious how someone would go to such great lengths to make someone else's child their own. Not just any child, but a child from a different country. A different nationality. A different race. A different heritage. A different religion. A different language. I made up my mind then that I never wanted to adopt. The amount of time, effort, and money that it would take to bring in a foreign child as your own was just too much for me to handle. Not to mention, I wanted my own children who look, act, talk, and laugh just like me. There was no changing my mind.
Just a piece of advice for you. NEVER make your mind up about something without first consulting the One who has a purpose for your life, because you might be missing the big picture with the little information you may or may not already know.
Fast forward to my post about "Why Adoption". If you read this post, you will remember that I open up about my struggles with wanting to be a parent, but not necessarily being ready to be pregnant. Honestly, I still struggle to an extent with wondering why adoption is our route for having our first child. Then I remember Satan is whispering those seeds of doubt and insecurities in my ear, and he will do anything to try to destroy God's purpose.
God's purpose. Yes, let's go back to that. It has taken me over half of my life to finally answer God's call for my life. Even though He hasn't called me to be a missionary in the traditional sense of the word by leaving the comfort of home and living in a foreign land preaching His name, He has called me to a "reverse missionary". (Do you like that term? I literally just made it up.) A "reverse missionary" in Leslie's terms is one who adopts, one who welcomes someone into their home to live. So for Daniel and me, we are traveling to a foreign land to bring home someone who needs us to show her who God is and to grow up learning, growing, and living in His Word.
I am so grateful to have married a man who is just as passionate about kids (and probably moreso) as I am. Without him, I am not sure if I would have fully answered the call to adopt. When Daniel and I married, I knew that he was "the one". I guess at that time I just didn't know exactly why he was the one. Over the course of the last 10 months, God has shown us why He has brought us together. Without us, He wouldn't be able to fully execute His plan according to His will. Do I believe that God could still execute His plan without us? Sure, but why would I want to miss that?
Daniel and I have been given an opportunity of a lifetime "to go" and bring home a little girl to be our daughter. We will visit a foreign country for several days. We will see how they live, what their struggles are, what their passions are. We will forever be changed from this trip. And who knows what our next adventure might be after bringing Paisley home. We will forever be intertwined with the Chinese people. And I am not terrified of that. In fact, I am honored. This is our call to missions.
Sunday, June 29, 2014
straight ahead: sleepless nights
Do you know how hard it is to sleep at night knowing your child is half a world away? Parenthood is filled with hard situations and circumstances on a daily basis. Pregnancy is something I have yet to experience personally, but from what I have heard from those who have experienced it, pregnancy has good moments along with challenges at times.
The same goes with adoption only on a different scale.
Before we received PA (pre-approval) for Paisley, I imagined how hard its would be for me to leave her at daycare, go to big school, or even spend the night at family's houses. To leave my little girl somewhere for any length of time without me was heart-breaking. I never want her to be away from my side once we travel to get her. However, I didn't fully think through was how hard it was going to be to now wait months before we will receive our travel assignment in order to go get her. We are looking at 9-12 months before we will be able to see that sweet face in person. I am already starting to experience restless nights sleeping, because our daughter is living on the other side of the world. Let me put this in perspective: she is currently 13 hours ahead of us. When we are asleep, she is awake. When we are awake, she is asleep. And I have to go several months like this? Knowing that our little girl is not with us?
I like to think she is safe in her orphanage being taken care of by nannies who love her as their own, but frankly that is naive of me to think that. Daniel and I may never know what abuse (prayfully, none at all) she has/will experience during her time living in an orphanage. We can't assume that she has lived a life of ease filled with days of arts-n-crafts, games, learning the alphabet, singing songs, being loved on. Orphans are the lowest priority. It is sad, but it's the truth. Sure, these children are feed, put to bed, and clothed (for the most part), but they don't experience a childhood like you and I did. For this very reason, my heart aches for Paisley to be here with us. To be with her mom and dad who want her, to care for her, to love her, to provide for her, to spoil her, and to make sure she is never alone again.
Orphans live a rough life so why would we think they have it made? They didn't chose this life, but someone else did for them. They want to be loved and cared for. They want to grow up and better the world by doing something meaningful. Kids have dreams. Big dreams. Honestly, I am grateful more than anything to be given the opportunity to make a difference in one child's life. And the sleepless nights will be more than I would like for them to be until we can bring her home. However, each sleepless night will be completely worth it in the end. So bring on the added wrinkles and dark, baggy eyes. They are for our daughter.
So will you join us? Please join us in praying for a few things.
1. Paisley. Please pray for her, her health, her mental state, and getting prepared for a new life.
2. Daniel and me. Please pray for rest, health, focus, motivation to do while we wait, and to share our story.
3. Paisley's nannies. Please pray for the women (and men) who will care for her. Pray for gentle words, touch, and care as they look after our daughter.
4. Funds. It's sad that money is such a huge part of adoption, but it is. And what's even more sad is knowing just how many families would love to adopt but can't due to the lack of funds. Thankfully, God has provided for our adoption so far. We have faith He will continue. Please pray for us to think of new fundraisers to start, for people to participate in those fundraisers, and for others to spread the word about the fundraisers. Without money, we aren't able to bring Paisley home.
5. The rest of our adoption process (mostly the paperwork/approval stage). Please pray for ease in getting the rest of our documents completed and approval by both the US and Chinese governments. Pray there will be no hold-ups and our documents will be approved with ease.
Like we always say, thank YOU for the continued prayers and support. You are changing lives. May God bless each of you for what you are helping to accomplish.
The same goes with adoption only on a different scale.
Before we received PA (pre-approval) for Paisley, I imagined how hard its would be for me to leave her at daycare, go to big school, or even spend the night at family's houses. To leave my little girl somewhere for any length of time without me was heart-breaking. I never want her to be away from my side once we travel to get her. However, I didn't fully think through was how hard it was going to be to now wait months before we will receive our travel assignment in order to go get her. We are looking at 9-12 months before we will be able to see that sweet face in person. I am already starting to experience restless nights sleeping, because our daughter is living on the other side of the world. Let me put this in perspective: she is currently 13 hours ahead of us. When we are asleep, she is awake. When we are awake, she is asleep. And I have to go several months like this? Knowing that our little girl is not with us?
I like to think she is safe in her orphanage being taken care of by nannies who love her as their own, but frankly that is naive of me to think that. Daniel and I may never know what abuse (prayfully, none at all) she has/will experience during her time living in an orphanage. We can't assume that she has lived a life of ease filled with days of arts-n-crafts, games, learning the alphabet, singing songs, being loved on. Orphans are the lowest priority. It is sad, but it's the truth. Sure, these children are feed, put to bed, and clothed (for the most part), but they don't experience a childhood like you and I did. For this very reason, my heart aches for Paisley to be here with us. To be with her mom and dad who want her, to care for her, to love her, to provide for her, to spoil her, and to make sure she is never alone again.
Orphans live a rough life so why would we think they have it made? They didn't chose this life, but someone else did for them. They want to be loved and cared for. They want to grow up and better the world by doing something meaningful. Kids have dreams. Big dreams. Honestly, I am grateful more than anything to be given the opportunity to make a difference in one child's life. And the sleepless nights will be more than I would like for them to be until we can bring her home. However, each sleepless night will be completely worth it in the end. So bring on the added wrinkles and dark, baggy eyes. They are for our daughter.
So will you join us? Please join us in praying for a few things.
1. Paisley. Please pray for her, her health, her mental state, and getting prepared for a new life.
2. Daniel and me. Please pray for rest, health, focus, motivation to do while we wait, and to share our story.
3. Paisley's nannies. Please pray for the women (and men) who will care for her. Pray for gentle words, touch, and care as they look after our daughter.
4. Funds. It's sad that money is such a huge part of adoption, but it is. And what's even more sad is knowing just how many families would love to adopt but can't due to the lack of funds. Thankfully, God has provided for our adoption so far. We have faith He will continue. Please pray for us to think of new fundraisers to start, for people to participate in those fundraisers, and for others to spread the word about the fundraisers. Without money, we aren't able to bring Paisley home.
5. The rest of our adoption process (mostly the paperwork/approval stage). Please pray for ease in getting the rest of our documents completed and approval by both the US and Chinese governments. Pray there will be no hold-ups and our documents will be approved with ease.
Like we always say, thank YOU for the continued prayers and support. You are changing lives. May God bless each of you for what you are helping to accomplish.
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Let me introduce you to our daughter, Paisley
Tuesday, May 6 blog post is one that I wrote not only as a prayer, but a cry to God asking that He give us a glimpse of the face who we will have the honor to be her parents. It's silly to think that of all the things that I was concerned about that knowing our little girl's face was so high on the list. I almost felt ashamed to ask for prayers to deal with not knowing since pregnant mothers can't see pictures of their children until they are born unless you count those 4D pics, which kind of scare me to a certain extent. Five months of wondering who she will be was literally making me restless that I would wake in the middle of the night and pray and dream about her sweet little face.
His command is simple: ask and ye shall receive. That's exactly what He has done. He has heard YOUR prayers for Daniel and I to see the face of our daughter within a week's time of May 6. On Monday, May 12th, He brought the sweetest little girl's picture to my computer screen. After discussing this little girl with Daniel that evening, I emailed Karisa, our social worker, to see her file. Karisa emailed us back on Tuesday to say she was not currently on hold with another family if we wanted more time to study her file. Since Daniel and I wanted to make sure we prevented placing kids' files on hold every other day, we felt like placing this little girl's file "on hold" was the step in the right direction.
(Background: You see, back in January (actually during the snow/ice storm), we placed our first child's file on hold. We spent 4 days praying, researching, and dreaming over this little girl's file. We were heartbroken when we discovered she wasn't the child for us. In fact, we were so consumed with this little girl that we asked to have her file placed on hold a few months later, but found out she was on hold with another family. Needless to say, we take an "on hold" file very seriously.)
Thus began our one week of placing this little girl's file "on hold". And what happened during that week was truly God. A peace about her and her medical circumstances came over both of us. We know there will be difficult days with any child we adopt, but there was something about this little girl that all we wanted to do was protect her, care for her, love her, make her ours. The thought of losing this little girl made both of us ill.
So what did we do next? We emailed Karisa to see what needed to be done about submitting a Letter of Intent (LOI) for this little girl. Since we are currently in the home study phase still, there were things that needed to be done in order for this to happen. We spent the next week getting our physicals along with the results, completing the necessary paperwork and letters, and stressing about turning everything into China on time. We weren't promised a lot of time with her file due to certain circumstances so we were racing against an imaginary clock.
On Friday, May 30th we sent our LOI to China for this little girl. Let me just say that we spent nearly 3 weeks waiting for the phone call that would change our life forever.
At 10AM on Thursday, June 19, I received the call from Karisa telling us we received Pre-Approval (PA) for our daughter. What a sense of relief it was to hear those words! She is ours. We already love her so much! We are beyond thrilled to go get her.
Thank you so much for the continued prayers! Your prayers are changing lives especially for a little girl who now has a mommy and a daddy who love her very much, something she has never known until today and she will never experience not having a mommy and a daddy ever again. We look forward to sharing more about her with you!
His command is simple: ask and ye shall receive. That's exactly what He has done. He has heard YOUR prayers for Daniel and I to see the face of our daughter within a week's time of May 6. On Monday, May 12th, He brought the sweetest little girl's picture to my computer screen. After discussing this little girl with Daniel that evening, I emailed Karisa, our social worker, to see her file. Karisa emailed us back on Tuesday to say she was not currently on hold with another family if we wanted more time to study her file. Since Daniel and I wanted to make sure we prevented placing kids' files on hold every other day, we felt like placing this little girl's file "on hold" was the step in the right direction.
(Background: You see, back in January (actually during the snow/ice storm), we placed our first child's file on hold. We spent 4 days praying, researching, and dreaming over this little girl's file. We were heartbroken when we discovered she wasn't the child for us. In fact, we were so consumed with this little girl that we asked to have her file placed on hold a few months later, but found out she was on hold with another family. Needless to say, we take an "on hold" file very seriously.)
Thus began our one week of placing this little girl's file "on hold". And what happened during that week was truly God. A peace about her and her medical circumstances came over both of us. We know there will be difficult days with any child we adopt, but there was something about this little girl that all we wanted to do was protect her, care for her, love her, make her ours. The thought of losing this little girl made both of us ill.
So what did we do next? We emailed Karisa to see what needed to be done about submitting a Letter of Intent (LOI) for this little girl. Since we are currently in the home study phase still, there were things that needed to be done in order for this to happen. We spent the next week getting our physicals along with the results, completing the necessary paperwork and letters, and stressing about turning everything into China on time. We weren't promised a lot of time with her file due to certain circumstances so we were racing against an imaginary clock.
On Friday, May 30th we sent our LOI to China for this little girl. Let me just say that we spent nearly 3 weeks waiting for the phone call that would change our life forever.
At 10AM on Thursday, June 19, I received the call from Karisa telling us we received Pre-Approval (PA) for our daughter. What a sense of relief it was to hear those words! She is ours. We already love her so much! We are beyond thrilled to go get her.
Thank you so much for the continued prayers! Your prayers are changing lives especially for a little girl who now has a mommy and a daddy who love her very much, something she has never known until today and she will never experience not having a mommy and a daddy ever again. We look forward to sharing more about her with you!
Paisley
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