We've been on our journey to bring home our little girl for 5 months now. Honestly, I never knew it was going to be this difficult not knowing the face of our daughter.
I've spoken with other adoptive parents, and they briefly mentioned how difficult the adoption process was for them, stating various hurdles/situations they have personally overcome before bringing home their child. I was naiive to think that it wouldn't be me. I thought I was strong enough to not let this journey phase me mentally, because I knew the emotional side of it would get to me. And it has. The emotional side of the adoption journey is a roller coaster. Since I haven't experienced pregnancy, I like to think the adoption journey is similar to that of being pregnant. One minute I'm on cloud 9 and the next I am at a low. Adoption is definitely not for the faint of heart.
But the mental side of it. It has been difficult. Some days it is hard to continue the motivation of this long journey without knowing the face of our child. However, I have a mental picture of her. I know she is beautiful and perfect in every way with big brown eyes. That is about all that I can see right now. Her personality is one that I think about often. With Paisley being our firstborn, I see her possessing a lot of the same qualities as myself when I was a child: shy, quiet, playing well by herself, and reserved. On the other hand, I see her possessing some of Daniel's qualities as well: being a busy body, focused on her interests, chatting it up with people she knows, and ripping and roaring while playing outside.
It's in those hard moments that I am reminded of the reason why we are on this journey and Who is in control. We've had to lean on Him more than we've ever had before. All things work for His glory, and we believe that. Without the hard times, the good times don't mean as much. Our full faith is in God's hands, and we trust He will reveal our daughter in His perfect time.
I've cried, laughed, smiled, and sat in complete silence thinking about this precious child who will change our lives for the better. She is already a blessing to us and spoiled beyond belief already!