letting go

2009 is coming to an end and there has been so much to happen!  Daniel and I completed our first year of marriage.  I must say I think the second year will be harder than the first though.  We are slowly settling into the married life.  I must thank Mom and Dad right here, because they prepared me for letting someone know what is going on all the time.  Little did I know that they were prepping me for marriage when they would ask 50 million questions about what I was doing, where I was going, when I was going to be home, etc.

Enough about that...

2009 for me has been the year of "letting go".  I have learned to let go of a lot of things:  Sis, MeMe, friends, my perception of other people, caring about what others think, and frankly just the reality of my life as I know it.

Monday, December 21:  I said "good-bye" to my little sister.  She stepped on the plane to travel halfway around the world to start the rest of her life with her husband, Josh.  It's weird to think that Sis and I are old enough to be married.  I still think of her being in elementary school.  I will miss her while she is there.  She missed me while I was at Auburn and in some ways, Germany is her Auburn.  The difference is that she can't drive 2 hours and be home.  I look forward to visiting her and Josh while they are there.  The Todds and Pates will reunite in the summer of 2010.

Monday, December 14:  Daniel and his family tragically discovered that MeMe had passed away.  It hit his entire family very hard, because she was the rock/glue of the family.  She was precious and always had a smile on her face.  When I first met everyone, she was the one to welcome me with open arms.  She always had to give a hug and kiss when she saw you and before you parted ways.  I will miss her humor and laugh.  In some ways, I feel like she is still here watching over us.  We will miss you, MeMe....until we meet again.

It never fails.  The circle of friendship comes and goes as if on cue.  I have learned to let go of best friends through various stages of my life.  No friendship has been easy to let go, but this one in particular has.  There's no need for details, because at the end of the day, it's really not important.  In this situation, I have learned that you can tell a lot about a person's character by the way they handle a disagreement/argument.  Being stubborn and prideful only get you so far in life and then comes reality.  Secondly, there's no need to try to patch things up when the other person has deleted you from their life.  Friendships come and go in life.  Do I regret certain friendships?  Never.  They have made me who I am today.  I have learned more from that one friendship than I could ever learn in a classroom.  Do I still love this person?  With my whole heart.  Like I said before, friendships come to an end, but one chapter's end is another one's beginning.

It has taken my 25 years to truly understand that everyone is different.  Not everyone was raised like me.  I know you might think this is an elementary concept, but I have learned hard-core just how different two people can be.  I learned in college what it meant to have an open-mind about my surroundings.  At the time, that was a foreign concept to me, but I have learned that in order to form accurate, ethical decisions you must be open-minded.  I never realized that some people don't have basic manners.  Maybe their parents didn't teach them that sort of thing:  to put others before yourself.  Basically you must live by the Golden Rule.  Yes, I must have been living partially under a rock.  How does this constitute as my letting go?  I am letting go of my "raising" perceptions of people.  In a way, it's like letting go of my expectations of people, which I have ALWAYS held people that I knew to extremely high expectations.  Not a good idea, Leslie.

If you spend your entire life worrying/caring about what other people think, you will die at a very young age.  I am not saying you shouldn't "dress to impress", but if you dress like a million bucks every day, how far up the ladder will that get you?  a minimal raise?  sure. a pat on the back?  possibly.  a thank you for your hard work?  don't hold your breath.  Sometimes you can do your best only to find out that you might as well be sitting on your hands.  Sure it's frustrating, but are you going to let that rule your life?  The great thing about your life is that you get to decide what you want to worry/care about.  Just remember:  no one is perfect including you and the other person.  I am learning to let go of the thoughts of others and learning how to truly be "free" from the criticism of others.

"Letting go of the reality of my life as I know it" might sound a bit strange to you.  Let me explain:  I feel I am destined for greatness.  (who doesn't, right?)  Ever since I was in high school, I have always wanted to help people, whether I am a teacher, financial analysist , or counselor.  There's not much that I can do help people by sitting in an office all day 5 days a week.  Don't get me wrong.  I love going to work every day.  I love the people I work with.  I just don't feel like I am really making a difference in people's lives by paying bills and invoicing for concrete utility poles.  I think I am reaching an age where I ask myself, "Leslie, what do you want to do?  What is your passion?"  I am 25, and I am only getting older.  Once Daniel and I start having kids, it will be 10 times harder to accomplish my personal goals.  This is why I am starting up my own business:  becoming a professional organizer.  I will explain in more detail later, but this is the direction that I am heading.  There's a lot to figure out, but I know that I can make a difference in someone's life.  The first person who I will make a difference in is my Aunt Jane.  Her house is my "dummy" and I am super excited about revamping her life. 

2009 is about letting go and 2010 is about imbracing the new and unknown.