Brave

As we inch closer to meeting our daughter for the first time, I am reminded of how drastically different her life will be.  She will go from being an orphan without a family especially a mom and dad to leaving everything she has ever known to live as our firstborn in America.  She will have a mom and a dad who will love her forever.  We won't leave her.  In fact, we will take a vow in China promising to love, protect, and care for her.  On some level, we have already done that on paper that was submitted with our Letter of Intent.

But Paisley...
Oh, Paisley...

I think about how brave she is.  She is the bravest person I know.  I can't imagine being just 2 years old without a family.  Granted she has been taken care of while living in both the orphanage and foster care, but it isn't the same as being with a forever family.  I'm overwhelmed at the thought of everything she has been through.  Then I am overwhelmed at the thought of her world being rocked to the core.  She doesn't know what is coming and that makes me scared for her.  In fact, I don't fully know what is coming as far as how it will all play out, but I know that it will be good.  And she will be good.  She will be cared for.

And me.

I am scared.  Scared in a good way though.  I don't think I would be normal if I didn't have some sense of feeling scared.  Then I am reminded that He doesn't give us a spirit of fear.  In fact, being scared about our adoption should be over.  As soon as we submitted our application to adopt from China, that is when the fear should have left my body.  It has been a constant journey, walking like the blind, with adoption.  As wonderful as our agency is (and they truly are), it's hard to know exactly what all is in store.  I can't believe we have made it 15 months.  15 months of paperwork, training, questions, answers, unknowns, delays, tears, excitement, and finding our little girl.

Has it been worth it?  Yes!

Ask me again when I finally have my little girl in my arms.  My answer will be a resounding yes.

You Make Me Brave by Bethel Music



And she has my heart already....

Paisley January 2015